Investment personality test

 

You may have filled out one of those questionnaires that financial advisors use to assess risk tolerance and other aspects of clients’ investment personality. An online example is TD Waterhouses Portfolio Planner. It seems to me they are looking a bit out of synch with the times, so I decided to create a more up-to-date version.
1) My current investments are best described as follows:
a) Dont know Im afraid to look at my monthly statements b) 100% allocated to my mattress c) TOTALLY, TOTALLY DECIMATED, MAN d) Im answering this quiz from my office window ledge
2) I respond to fluctuations in investments as follows:
a) Sleep like a baby (thanks to the little blue pills) b) Whack the TV with a baseball bat when CNBC is on. c) Drinking heavily and instigating barroom brawls d) Im answering this quiz from my office window ledge
3) The statement that most defines my investment objective is:
a) Right now Ill take 0%. Please. Pretty, please. b) Have my advisor to step in some high-voltage dodo c) Wallpaper my basement with stock certificates d) Get down from this window ledge
5) I plan to begin withdrawing money from my investments:
a) Ha! What investments? What money? b) As soon as my mattress reaches its maturity date c) When I retire, now projected to be 90 years of age. d) In the hereafter.

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